I've been conflicted about Christmas for a long time. Part of me enjoys all the external trappings: the tree, the lights, the wrapping paper, even the music. I've made several Very Special K Holiday mixes over the years, constantly seeking unique musical takes on the holidays. (See the SWIK holiday classics post from December 2009.) The other part of me thinks, like Charlie Brown, that it's all a bunch of commercialism. I become cynical and annoyed but eventually sad. December finds me running from anticipation to apathy through a haze of holiday parties. I want to believe it's a magical time for reflection and gratitude, but as Charlie Brown said, "I don't feel the way I'm supposed to feel." Religion is no longer a satisfactory answer. So what's a girl to do? How to reconcile all those feelings and get through the holiday season? For now, I sit and stare at my tree listening to Tracey Thorn's new album Tinsel and Lights, attempting to draft messages for cards that I'm not sure I'll mail.
For her Christmas and winter themed album, Thorn reunited with her former husband and Everything But The Girl partner, Ben Watt, on a few tracks. Her songs have always been melancholy and her mood for the holidays hasn't changed. A smokier and British Joni Mitchell, her voice is smooth and crisp with a hint of pain. On this album she's captured the confusing side of the holidays. The part where we know that we should be merry and grateful, but the tough and painful stuff seeps through the cracks.
The album starts with Sister Winter, a cover of the American singer-songwriter, Sufjan Stevens' song. Her version was available briefly last year as a free download so I was pleased to see it on the album. With simple guitar strumming then electronic drums, it's slightly peppier than the original but captures the conflicting sentiments of the holiday season. We should be happy, but sister winter creeps in and our hearts can turn to ice.
Oh my friends I've
begun to worry right
where I should be grateful
I should be satisfied
Oh my heart I
would clap and dance in place
with my friends I have so
much pleasure to embrace
But my heart is
returned to sister winter
but my heart is
as cold as ice
There have been periods of my life where I shunned holiday tradition and festivities. In my twenties, the season didn't fit with my anti-social, depressed, goth self. Everyday was Halloween for me and that included Christmas and New Year's Eve. A decade later, in my early thirties there were several years where I was struggling financially in New York. I didn't want anyone to know how bad things really were. I had a masters degree but no job and no clear picture of how I would survive. Certainly no money for gifts. Through some of those dark times I rediscovered long lost passions, like making mix CDs for my friends to give as gifts. I also began to understand what really matters at the holidays, the joy you share with friends and family. Eventually, my life turned around. After years of emotional work and some acupuncture, the depression lifted. The jobs and salaries improved. Eventually, I also let go of the goth girl who despised joyfulness. The song suggests that even in those darkest times we can return to our friends and explain about sister winter. The song is beautiful, but the feelings are confusing. Aren't the holidays?
All my friends, I've
returned to sister winter
all my friends, I
apologise, apologise
And my friends, I've
returned to wish you all the best
and my friends, I've
returned to wish you a happy Christmas
Maybe you've never been a goth or been unemployed around the holidays? Even if you absolutely love and cherish every single minute of the holidays season, taking down the Christmas tree can make anyone blue. Thorn, along with some vocals from Scritti Politti's Green Gartside, covers Low's Taking Down The Tree. She's picked up the tempo with a bit of electronics, so it's not quite as dismal as Low's version. Yet, you can feel slow motion of putting those ornaments away one by one: the broken reindeer, splintered angels, snowglobes and the lights. I have ornaments from grade school when it was cool to give them as gifts to friends. I also have a few ornaments from my grandmama, who used to spend a month with us every Christmas. The ornaments remind me of the excitement that once surrounded the season. Unpacking them to decorate the tree brings back the fond memories. All those ornaments, those people and those times surround us during the holidays and when the tree comes down, they all go away.
Like these two songs, Thorn covers mainly non-traditional holiday tunes including The White Stripes' In the Cold, Cold Night, the Magnetic Fields' Like a Snowman and Ron Rexsmith's Maybe This Christmas. The only standards on the album are Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas and Joni Mitchell's River, which fell into the traditional Christmas cannon when Barry Manilow covered it. Thorn adds her own twist to all of them, making some a bit more spirited and sprinkling others with her melancholy. As a side note, there's a much better acoustic version of Thorn covering River with Watt on guitar in the eclectic advent calender created to promote the album.
There are two original songs. The title track, Tinsel and Lights, is one of the catchier tunes on the album. It remains grounded in the moodiness of Thorn's holiday season. The keyboards and guitar feel like you're skipping down the street or on a merry-go-around. The lyrics starts off about a New York Christmas. The one outside my door. The song takes me back to nearly ten years ago. One of my best friends and I ran around visiting NYC Christmas sites and shop windows. She was pregnant and we knew our lives were about to change, so we wanted to soak in the city. We were hopeful and excited, loving our lives in NYC. It was one of those perfect days. Yet the changes loomed over us. The life we had in NYC, full of late night parties and all-day random excursions was slowly winding down.
Oh and that was a New York christmas baby
oh that was the way it should be done
oh we saw the sights
the tinsel and lights
looking down the barrel of a gun
Now years have gone by and we're all so much older
the winters got warmer then last years' got colder
and we've all learned some things about how the time goes
that we'd rather not know
My early years in NYC were some of the best in my life, even those years when I was struggling financially. I had wonderful friends. We took advantage of living here, trying new places, organizing loft parties and spending time simply exploring. But most of these friends have moved away, including the aforementioned pregnant friend who now has two children. While I've made new friends, everyone has less time these days. Work has gotten harder and the hours are longer. This year I moved into my dream NYC apartment because I could finally afford it. But living here is bittersweet. I've realized that I'll leave New York eventually. For a time I thought that I would be here forever. Then I met a man who helped me believe in a lot of things that I had given up on like marriage and family. My favorite days spent with him are visiting places I haven't seen before and finding new adventures in NYC. But he doesn't live here. His city is cheaper and he has more friends and family there. It will make sense for me to leave NYC, someday.
Oh that was New York Christmas baby
snowflakes like diamonds in our hair
and we watched them all
sparkle and fall
something almost true was in the air
yeah that was a New York Christmas baby
yeah that was the way it was back then
oh we saw the sights
the tinsel and lights
you kissed me in the snow and that was when
I fell in love with Christmas once again
While not everyone has a New York City Christmas memory, in the end Thorn nails the Christmas sentiment with her song Joy. (Be sure to check out the beautiful video filmed in Lille, France) Although I'm no longer goth or financiall strapped, the holiday season continues to bring mixed emotions. As we get older perhaps there's a missing loved one or simply our own or our children's lost innocence.The fear of the future. Now we know that life will inevitably change, somtimes it changes for the good and sometimes for the bad. All we can do is relish the joyful moments as Thorn does here. For this song, a piano intro joined by a bass, some electronics then backing vocals, keeping a steady simple melody.
When someone very dear,
calls you with the words everything's all clear
that's what you want to hear
but you know it might be different in the New Year
That's why, that's why
we hang the lights so high
Joy Joy Joy Joy
You loved it as a kid
and now you need it more than you ever did
it's because of the dark
you see the beauty in the spark
that's why that's why
the carols make you cry
Joy Joy Joy Joy
My life is wonderful right now. Yet it's full of challenges that cause me pause, wonder, and ache a bit about the future. When I was young I made choices. I struggled to get somewhere. Then I achieved something close to what I had set out to do. So what's next? What does it look like? I don't know. Now the the future and the answers are blurry. Sometimes I'm afraid of what's next. But in the end there is the joy found in the people and moments right in front of us. It took me a long time to find joy amid my own melancholy in the tinsel and lights. I'll endeavor to use this joy, as Thorn proposes, and face down all my fears.
So light the winter fire
and watch as the flames grow higher
we'll gather up our fears
and face down all the coming years
and all that they destroy
and in their face we throw our
Joy Joy Joy Joy
For her Christmas and winter themed album, Thorn reunited with her former husband and Everything But The Girl partner, Ben Watt, on a few tracks. Her songs have always been melancholy and her mood for the holidays hasn't changed. A smokier and British Joni Mitchell, her voice is smooth and crisp with a hint of pain. On this album she's captured the confusing side of the holidays. The part where we know that we should be merry and grateful, but the tough and painful stuff seeps through the cracks.
The album starts with Sister Winter, a cover of the American singer-songwriter, Sufjan Stevens' song. Her version was available briefly last year as a free download so I was pleased to see it on the album. With simple guitar strumming then electronic drums, it's slightly peppier than the original but captures the conflicting sentiments of the holiday season. We should be happy, but sister winter creeps in and our hearts can turn to ice.
Oh my friends I've
begun to worry right
where I should be grateful
I should be satisfied
Oh my heart I
would clap and dance in place
with my friends I have so
much pleasure to embrace
But my heart is
returned to sister winter
but my heart is
as cold as ice
There have been periods of my life where I shunned holiday tradition and festivities. In my twenties, the season didn't fit with my anti-social, depressed, goth self. Everyday was Halloween for me and that included Christmas and New Year's Eve. A decade later, in my early thirties there were several years where I was struggling financially in New York. I didn't want anyone to know how bad things really were. I had a masters degree but no job and no clear picture of how I would survive. Certainly no money for gifts. Through some of those dark times I rediscovered long lost passions, like making mix CDs for my friends to give as gifts. I also began to understand what really matters at the holidays, the joy you share with friends and family. Eventually, my life turned around. After years of emotional work and some acupuncture, the depression lifted. The jobs and salaries improved. Eventually, I also let go of the goth girl who despised joyfulness. The song suggests that even in those darkest times we can return to our friends and explain about sister winter. The song is beautiful, but the feelings are confusing. Aren't the holidays?
All my friends, I've
returned to sister winter
all my friends, I
apologise, apologise
And my friends, I've
returned to wish you all the best
and my friends, I've
returned to wish you a happy Christmas
Maybe you've never been a goth or been unemployed around the holidays? Even if you absolutely love and cherish every single minute of the holidays season, taking down the Christmas tree can make anyone blue. Thorn, along with some vocals from Scritti Politti's Green Gartside, covers Low's Taking Down The Tree. She's picked up the tempo with a bit of electronics, so it's not quite as dismal as Low's version. Yet, you can feel slow motion of putting those ornaments away one by one: the broken reindeer, splintered angels, snowglobes and the lights. I have ornaments from grade school when it was cool to give them as gifts to friends. I also have a few ornaments from my grandmama, who used to spend a month with us every Christmas. The ornaments remind me of the excitement that once surrounded the season. Unpacking them to decorate the tree brings back the fond memories. All those ornaments, those people and those times surround us during the holidays and when the tree comes down, they all go away.
Like these two songs, Thorn covers mainly non-traditional holiday tunes including The White Stripes' In the Cold, Cold Night, the Magnetic Fields' Like a Snowman and Ron Rexsmith's Maybe This Christmas. The only standards on the album are Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas and Joni Mitchell's River, which fell into the traditional Christmas cannon when Barry Manilow covered it. Thorn adds her own twist to all of them, making some a bit more spirited and sprinkling others with her melancholy. As a side note, there's a much better acoustic version of Thorn covering River with Watt on guitar in the eclectic advent calender created to promote the album.
There are two original songs. The title track, Tinsel and Lights, is one of the catchier tunes on the album. It remains grounded in the moodiness of Thorn's holiday season. The keyboards and guitar feel like you're skipping down the street or on a merry-go-around. The lyrics starts off about a New York Christmas. The one outside my door. The song takes me back to nearly ten years ago. One of my best friends and I ran around visiting NYC Christmas sites and shop windows. She was pregnant and we knew our lives were about to change, so we wanted to soak in the city. We were hopeful and excited, loving our lives in NYC. It was one of those perfect days. Yet the changes loomed over us. The life we had in NYC, full of late night parties and all-day random excursions was slowly winding down.
Oh and that was a New York christmas baby
oh that was the way it should be done
oh we saw the sights
the tinsel and lights
looking down the barrel of a gun
Now years have gone by and we're all so much older
the winters got warmer then last years' got colder
and we've all learned some things about how the time goes
that we'd rather not know
My early years in NYC were some of the best in my life, even those years when I was struggling financially. I had wonderful friends. We took advantage of living here, trying new places, organizing loft parties and spending time simply exploring. But most of these friends have moved away, including the aforementioned pregnant friend who now has two children. While I've made new friends, everyone has less time these days. Work has gotten harder and the hours are longer. This year I moved into my dream NYC apartment because I could finally afford it. But living here is bittersweet. I've realized that I'll leave New York eventually. For a time I thought that I would be here forever. Then I met a man who helped me believe in a lot of things that I had given up on like marriage and family. My favorite days spent with him are visiting places I haven't seen before and finding new adventures in NYC. But he doesn't live here. His city is cheaper and he has more friends and family there. It will make sense for me to leave NYC, someday.
Oh that was New York Christmas baby
snowflakes like diamonds in our hair
and we watched them all
sparkle and fall
something almost true was in the air
yeah that was a New York Christmas baby
yeah that was the way it was back then
oh we saw the sights
the tinsel and lights
you kissed me in the snow and that was when
I fell in love with Christmas once again
While not everyone has a New York City Christmas memory, in the end Thorn nails the Christmas sentiment with her song Joy. (Be sure to check out the beautiful video filmed in Lille, France) Although I'm no longer goth or financiall strapped, the holiday season continues to bring mixed emotions. As we get older perhaps there's a missing loved one or simply our own or our children's lost innocence.The fear of the future. Now we know that life will inevitably change, somtimes it changes for the good and sometimes for the bad. All we can do is relish the joyful moments as Thorn does here. For this song, a piano intro joined by a bass, some electronics then backing vocals, keeping a steady simple melody.
When someone very dear,
calls you with the words everything's all clear
that's what you want to hear
but you know it might be different in the New Year
That's why, that's why
we hang the lights so high
Joy Joy Joy Joy
You loved it as a kid
and now you need it more than you ever did
it's because of the dark
you see the beauty in the spark
that's why that's why
the carols make you cry
Joy Joy Joy Joy
My life is wonderful right now. Yet it's full of challenges that cause me pause, wonder, and ache a bit about the future. When I was young I made choices. I struggled to get somewhere. Then I achieved something close to what I had set out to do. So what's next? What does it look like? I don't know. Now the the future and the answers are blurry. Sometimes I'm afraid of what's next. But in the end there is the joy found in the people and moments right in front of us. It took me a long time to find joy amid my own melancholy in the tinsel and lights. I'll endeavor to use this joy, as Thorn proposes, and face down all my fears.
So light the winter fire
and watch as the flames grow higher
we'll gather up our fears
and face down all the coming years
and all that they destroy
and in their face we throw our
Joy Joy Joy Joy
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