I've been conflicted about Christmas for a long time. Part of me enjoys all the external trappings: the tree, the lights, the wrapping paper, even the music. I've made several Very Special K Holiday mixes over the years, constantly seeking unique musical takes on the holidays. (See the SWIK holiday classics post from December 2009.) The other part of me thinks, like Charlie Brown, that it's all a bunch of commercialism. I become cynical and annoyed but eventually sad. December finds me running from anticipation to apathy through a haze of holiday parties. I want to believe it's a magical time for reflection and gratitude, but as Charlie Brown said, "I don't feel the way I'm supposed to feel." Religion is no longer a satisfactory answer. So what's a girl to do? How to reconcile all those feelings and get through the holiday season? For now, I sit and stare at my tree listening to Tracey Thorn's new album Tinsel and Lights, attempting to draft messages for cards that I'm not sure I'll mail.
